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Page 122.02
Why I Hate Canadians
Will Ferguson
Aug 2007
Tenth Anniversary Edition
Trade Paper
$15.95 US
978-1-55365-279-3 | 9781553652793
1-55365-279-7 | 1553652797
336 pp
36 per carton
Humor
HUMOR
Form/Essays
Fall 2007
Imprint Rights: US
Title Rights: US
Product Safety: Mfgr warrants no warnings apply
Published by
Douglas & McIntyre
Description:
First published in 1997, this hilarious book launched satirist Will Ferguson's career. Challenging the notion that Canadians are “nice,” the book asks, “Do we as Canadians deserve a country so great?” Tackling subjects from Canada's favorite inbred royals to the mighty beaver as national icon, from sex in a canoe to all-Canadian "superhero" Captain Canuck, Ferguson rampages across the cultural landscape. The book also provides a fast-paced, opinionated overview of telling moments in Canadian history, including its run-amok Mounties and “fun-loving days” of the country's (unacknowledged) slave trade.
Excerpt:
From Chapter Eleven: America is Sexy
Let's face it, America is sexy. It is exciting, dangerous, crass, brash and violent.
The problem is not that America is screwing us daily—which they are—but that they never send flowers or call afterwards. They barely remember our name. "See you around, doll. Here," as they toss us a coin, "buy yourself something nice." It is intercourse without foreplay, when all we needed was a little respect. (Cue the sobbing, chest-beating liany of "I hate you's.")
From Chapter 22: Success Without Risk: The Canadian Dream
If the ultimate Japanese career is that of salaryman, and the American one is that of an entrepreneur, what then is the ultimate Canadian career?
Lumberjack? Synchronized Swimmer? Civil Servant?
No. The ultimate Canadian career is that of Associate Professor. Why? Because a career in academia has all of the elements that Canadians love best: it is very earnest, it is publicly funded, it is nonprofit, and-best of all-it promises success without risk. From this comes the highly scientific and amazingly insightful Ferguson Formula for Determining the Suitability of Canadian Aspirations:
CD=S-R
(Canadian Dream equals Success without Risk)
A career in higher education fits this formula perfectly. It involves hard work, perhaps. Talent, optional. But risk? Hardly.
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