How do couples tackle ticklish questions like "Does this make me look fat?" or "Will you go on a diet with me?" What does one partner say when the other loses weight and then gains it back — and more? Lydia Hanich has created a safe, fun guide to discussing thorny topics such as appearance, weight, food, exercise, sexuality, and eating disorders. Each chapter of Honey, Does This Make My Butt Look Big? presents loaded questions and precarious everyday scenarios with corresponding "right" and "wrong" answers. Included is a brief interpretation of the predicament along with sensible advice about what to say, what not to say, and why. Most partners have a sincere desire to support each other yet often unwittingly contribute to the problem rather than the solution. With cartoon illustrations and a healthy dose of humor, this book provides the answers to those difficult questions.

Excerpt from the Introduction:

"Honey, Does This Make My Butt Look Big?"

You hear these words and freeze in your tracks. You get a sinking feeling in your stomach. What to do? How to answer? Do you lie? Tell the truth? Pretend you didn’t hear? Your instincts tell you to run! It’s fight or flight! And you’d much rather flee because you’ve stayed for the fight before and you know you can’t win. With a seemingly simple question your Honey has catapulted you into a complete quandary and rendered you utterly defenseless. You’re cornered, TRAPPED — you’d rather gnaw off a foot than answer that question! Talk about a LOADED question! You HATE that question! There’s only one place it has ever led you to: trouble. And there’s been no way out...until now.
First off let me assure you that you are not alone in this quandary. As a psychotherapist specializing in treating eating disorders and body image issues (predominantly among women), I have repeatedly encountered frustration, confusion and helplessness among the husbands and boyfriends of my clients. Although sincere in their desire to support their Honey’s recovery, they often unwittingly will say or do something that actually contributes to the problem rather than the solution. Their best intentions can banish them to a night on the couch. They become the secondary victims of the eating and body image problems plaguing American women. And the vast majority of them are baffled and confounded by the whole thing, particularly their role in it. Relationships are often strained, if not damaged, by the unhealthy dynamic that develops between couples confronted with these issues. If you are one of these men, the first six chapters of this book are for you — and your relationship.

In the following chapters, I’ve included common scenarios that couples struggle with in the areas of body image, weight, food, exercise, sexuality, and eating disorders. In each situation, I offer a couple of responses that can be harmful or hurtful and then offer a response that will get you off the hot seat and preserve (maybe even improve) your relationship. If you find yourself in one of these (or similar) situations, feel free to use my suggestions, but better yet, use your own words. There are many ways to say the same thing – your Honey will trust it more when the words are your own and when you are sincere.
At the end of each scenario, I offer some insight and advice about the issue. They are based on my 20 years of experience treating these issues and will not be accurate in all cases. I offer these as a beginning glimpse into the psychology of body image and disordered eating, so don’t think that this will make you an expert in your Honey’s process. Ultimately, only they are the expert in their particular situation.
Some of the scenarios are interchangeable between genders. So feel free to "cross over" wherever it feels appropriate or is better suited to your circumstances.
Believing that humor has great healing power, particularly in relationships, I use it generously throughout the book. It is in no way intended to belittle your Honey’s struggles. No matter how beautiful or thin, how brilliant or successful, very few people in our culture escape these issues and it is not a reflection of competence or intelligence. No one knows better than I that these issues are at once serious and tragic, frustrating and enraging, frightening and debilitating - and as this book demonstrates, they can also sometimes be funny and absurd. So while remembering the seriousness of the problem, have fun reading this book – ideally together! I hope you enjoy yourself and perhaps learn something about your Honey and yourself along the way.

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from Chapter 1 - Image Isn't Everything:

Does She or Doesn’t She?

"Quick - look! See that woman over there?
Am I as fat as she is?"

Wrong Answer: "Yes."
She doesn’t seem to be complimenting "that woman" so saying "yes" will clearly be perceived as an insult.

Wrong Answer: "No."
That might not be the end of it. She might start asking you more questions like how much fatter is she, does she have similar proportions, etc.

Wrong Answer: "She’s fatter on the top and you’re fatter on the bottom." (or any variation on that theme).
She’ll feel bad about herself if you say that any part of her is as fat or fatter.

Good Try: "Yes, but you’re much more attractive."

Right Answer: "I don’t compare you to other women and I wish you wouldn’t either."

The Bottom Line She may be trying to see herself as others see her, or she may be looking for reassurance that she’s not that fat. It’s far less important that she get an idea of how others see her than it is that she learns to love and accept herself just as she is. If she really wantts or needs to lose weight, this is an important first step in that direction because acceptance always precedes changee. Comparing herself to others only fosters a better-than/worse-than mentality rather than development of healthy self-esteem. It is an exercise in futility because we are all unique individuals and should be celebrating our differences rather than competing!

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from Chapter 3 - To Eat or Not to Eat:

Buyer’s Remorse

"I shouldn’t have eaten that."

Wrong Response: "Then why did you?"
It was obviously a mistake. And she may not even know why she ate it.

Wrong Response: "You’re right — you shouldn’t have."
She already knows she’s made a mistake. Agreeing with her will only rub it in and make her feel worse.

Wrong Response: "I could have told you that."
It really isn’t possible for you to know when or what she should or shouldn’t eat.

Good Try: It’s OK — this once doesn’t matter.
You’re right about this. Once doesn’t matter. But it’s probably not just this once that she is regretting.

Right Response: If you can relate, tell her you know the feeling. If you can’t, lovingly look into her eyes and simply touch her hand or put your arm around her.

Food for Thought: When food is a struggle for someone, there are often many factors that go into deciding whether or not to eat something. It won’t always be possible for her to make the right choice at every opportunity because sometimes she can’t know in advance how she’ll feel afterward. Sometimes the compulsion just takes over and it’s not a rational choice. Sometimes she may decide that she really wants something and chooses to have it, only to discover that it wasn’t as good as it looked or sounded. Whenever she feels she’s made a mistake with food, treat her as you would when she admits to having made any kind of mistake: with compassion, understanding and support.